As if feasting upon the exploitation of the living wasn’t enough, the country’s Parasite-in Chief has been caught stuffing his sausage-fingers into the pockets of the dead.
An investigation by The Guardian has revealed that King Charles has profited from the assets of those who die without an heir or a will.
Normally, such funds are transferred to the Treasury, to be spent wisely on leveling-up projects like HS2, or preventing schools and hospitals from collapsing.
But for the loyal subjects residing in the medieval County of Lancashire, including cities like Liverpool and Manchester, this wealth is transferred straight to His Royal Highness for safe-keeping.
This is all thanks to a decision made by King Edward III back in 1351 – reminding us of how lucky we are to live in a modern, democratic society.
Over the past decade, up to £60 million has been collected on the basis of this feudal hangover.
This appropriated fortune is managed by the Duchy of Lancaster: a vast real-estate empire worth £652 million, which belongs to the sitting monarch. And the cherry on the cake is that this is all tax-exempt!
The Duchy claimed that this death-money was for charitable work. But it turns out old Charlie was sitting on a throne of lies. He has been caught using these accumulated riches as a ‘slush fund’ to renovate his lucrative portfolio of townhouses, holiday lets, and rural cottages.
This opulence stands in stark contrast to the lives of the dead people he has fleeced. Chris Spence, a 64 year-old from Blackburn, was living in a hotel used to accommodate homeless people. That didn’t stop the King from pocketing the few grand he had left in his savings when he died.
With the monarchy’s reputation already lying in the gutter, Charles has responded by promising to transfer £100 million of ‘his’ hoard – equivalent to the value of his stamp collection – into so-called ‘ethical’ investment funds.
Not to worry then! Our unelected head of state may have free rein to plunder the assets of the dearly-departed, but at least his profits will have a low carbon footprint. We’re sure this act of generosity will be remembered when the pitchforks come out for these royal leeches.
Down with the monarchy! Expropriate the crown!
